Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
