WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i now understand why vodka
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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