so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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