Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
