oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
