I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
