bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
