we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
