and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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