Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
