First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
