Dual....:-)
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
