I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize