So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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