I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
