You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
