She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize