38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
