He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
