If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
