I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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