My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Who died my cat blue again?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize