My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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