You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
