I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
