I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
