we have officially mastered the walk of shame
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize