Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
