just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
