Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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