you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
