your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
