the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize