nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
