How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
