everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
