You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
