had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
