The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
