I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
