Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
