: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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