Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
