Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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