I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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