These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
