I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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