My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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