I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
