I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
