dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize