Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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