My first STD was from a foam party
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
