I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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