I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize