dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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