R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
