Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
