69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize