I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
