My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
