so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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