what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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