Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
