just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
