I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
