Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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