would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
