Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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