Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
