"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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