btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Floor bacon is actually really good
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize