How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
