I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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