I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
