So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
