i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
