So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
