I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
