There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
