i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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