im about as happy as oj after his trial
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
