HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
