Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
