Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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