I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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