I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
