im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
MIDGETS
????
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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