the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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