Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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