I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
