there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
