it hurts more in the daytime
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
