i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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