I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
