Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
