I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
