Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
