don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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