my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
