They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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