Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
