im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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