he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
