I cannot find my penis.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize