I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
