I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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